my goddamn godblessed hand!

i don't sleep much these days. the Divine speaks to me in my sleep. now, the demon holds my hand and hideously barks at me. then i wake up...intense sense of fright. or is it that i fall asleep when the demon's gone? am i holding his hand? i'm alone...dozing, but wide awake; gazing with my eyes closed. there's this expansion of space around me, this simultaneously thrilling and horrific sense of vastness i recently started to have again--accidental meditation; i've known it since childhood. the more infused i am with the over-caffeinated world, the less it arises! then, there are those spurts of clarity. how cute? clarity through nerve damage...too unnerving for modern living. the only thing we have in this world is our body. cliches...how powerless they've become......'we're all alone.' the clock faithfully glows its red glow, around 1 or 2 or 3 am. we have faith in our alarm clocks.

the freeway outside howls...

i'm a pawn of the Divine, and i'll hear when i sleep. if i sleep.